The biggest question I had, in preparing this reflection was “what, in my life, can I share that will mean something to someone?” I arrived at the same answer over and over again - a recent and startling realization. I have/had been carrying a grudge. The details of the grudge aren’t important. Suffice it to say that I had been wronged, even after “doing the right thing” and I wasn’t going to let it go. As far as I was concerned, I was well within my rights to feel the way I felt and to keep feeling that way for as long as I damn well wanted to. What IS important is that, while I had been carrying this around with me for a while, it hadn’t gone unnoticed by some of my friends. And, truth be told, I came to understand that, while I thought that this was mine and mine alone, it most definitely began to affect some of those in my social circle and caused them to feel uncomfortable. Now, just for the record, I didn’t come to this realization all on my own. It happened quite by accident…while I was in Shoprite. Yeah, you heard me right…Shoprite! I had called a friend with a specific question and she called me back while I was shopping. How we got on the topic of this issue is still something I’m fuzzy on, but we did. And when the topic turned to this, I found myself navigating to the back of the store (the meat section to be exact) where there was a bench I could sit on, so I could give this conversation my full attention. I explained myself and then listened….”don’t you think it’s time to let this go” ? “Wouldn’t you feel better if you forgot about it”? “You know, it makes it hard for some of us - it gets uncomfortable and sticky” and the final question: “IS IT WORTH IT”? I listened intently because, during the course of this conversation, I came to realize (by virtue of my faith) that the Spirit was working here and I needed to be open to it. Forty minutes later, I got on the checkout line, knowing that I would have to shed this “thing” I was carrying around with me.

There’s another part to this story. I’m a big fan of The Chosen, and the weekend prior to this, I had seen the first three episodes of Season 4, in the theater (a REAL treat!). One of the story lines was the relationship between the apostles Simon Peter and Matthew who, while chosen by Jesus, would have been very far from choosing each other! Part of the discourse that each of them had with Jesus, resulted in lessons

of forgiveness - asking for it by apologizing, and extending the gift of forgiveness to someone. This scene played in my mind, along with the conversation I had in Shoprite, until I could no longer ignore that I, too, was being taught a lesson. It was time to let it go. Time to move on and stop wearing this grudge like a comfortable cloak. And you know what happened once I did? I was SO free, SO unburdened that it became life changing for me. I know this sounds very dramatic but I actually DID feel as free as a bird!

So Lent for me this year is not about what I’m giving up, as much as it is about what I’m letting go of. What’s weighing me down? What have I unnecessarily burdened myself with? Is it for the greater good or does it put a burden on others as well? Where is Jesus in all of this because if He’s not in it, then it’s a waste of time and energy and ultimately keeps me from loving Him and being my best self.

How about it? Can you give this some thought as well? I promise you, there’s nothing quite like feeling free as a bird in flight! Try it!

Sue Mulderrig